Gratitude has a sordid, under-belly.
I vaguely remember hearing that enslaved Africans in the Confederate South were told to be grateful that they were saved from the miseries of life as savages. I went looking and it turns out the first quote I found was not from the Antebellum South after all but rather 21st Century New Jersey. It was Assemblymember Michael Patrick Carroll to be exact who said in 2008 that descendants of slaves should be grateful for slavery because it was the means by which they have become Americans.
In 2016, Colin Kaepernick, the San Francisco 49er’s Quarterback took a knee during the national anthem to protest police brutality and racial injustice. Other NFL players followed suit and I heard the same sentiment. Those millionaire football players should be grateful they get to live in a country where they can make a fortune playing a game. Where’s the gratitude for all that America has given them?
The message is this. “Be thankful for the good in your life, and stop noticing the injustice.” The Christian axiom, “Be thankful in all circumstances” seems to be a prime source for this sort of glib advice, so as a devout Christian myself, this has me pondering the relevance of Thanksgiving. Should we even be promoting gratitude? Is it just a passive-aggressive way to silence people? Is the holiday our subtle way of trying to convince ourselves that the Indigenous people were actually thankful for us Pilgrims?
I noticed that my field of Social Work has recognized this misuse of gratitude. It seems we de-emphasize gratitude and instead help people find their anger and pain. We value getting in touch with negative emotions in order to maintain the energy to fight for change or strive for healing. Gratitude, on the other hand, has a masking and softening effect. It's hard to be angry and grateful at the same time. If we are grateful, we are worried that we might lose the impetus for change. Gratitude might lead to passivity instead of the change we need.
But there is another body of evidence I can’t ignore.
Recent research coming out of positive psychology is very strong. Gratefulness seems to be quite good for human beings. It is linked to physical, mental, emotional, psychological, and social health (Benefits of Gratitude: 28+ Surprising Research Findings). How can something that was used as a tool for oppression have such strong resilience-building qualities?
Can gratitude and robust social activism coexist?
I believe it can. We just need to embrace the paradox. Things are bad; good still exists. I am vulnerable, and I am strong. A lot has been taken, and I have been given so much.
We are hard-wired for binary thinking, so these paradoxes might make us bristle. We need to stop and tell ourselves that these paradoxical statements are not meant to balance each other. For example, oppression occurs when we silence talk of trauma by talking about all the good things instead. We don’t balance anger with acceptance. We don’t balance our sadness with our happiness. We can and should embrace both extremes. The ancients knew this. In my tradition, the Hebrew prophets and Psalmists sound emotionally unstable. One minute they say God should dismember their corrupt leaders and the next minute they say God is like a mother, and we are the infants at her breast.
Being grateful doesn’t mean that we ignore injustice. I think it can actually give us the energy to fight injustice because it reminds us of our connection to others. It gives us permission to rest and acknowledge the contributions of others. It sees the beauty amid the devastation. It is in embracing the conflicting truths that we find health, healing, and energy for the work.
Brene Brown’s work around the power of vulnerability is instructive here. She says, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”
We are doing ourselves and the work of social justice a disservice if we concede that gratitude is an act of weakness or passivity. We can have it all. We can fight injustice with all our heart, and celebrate progress at the same time. We can be angry and also rest in the content, glow of gratitude.
So go ahead, sip on that hot cider, Coquito, or whatever makes you feel fine. Maybe this holiday, play some smooth jazz and look at the people you love, think about the good work you do, and say, “Yes, I am blessed.”
