The Helping Professions Need Help

It's been 25 years since I chose Social Work for my major in college.  Like most idealists who enter this field, I wanted to make a difference –  and not just a little difference. I wanted to make a BIG difference. Somehow that was commingled with an aspiration for titles and leadership roles. 

The longer I work in this field, the more I see the self-serving under-belly of these aspirations.  It's the same spirit I see in the corporate and entertainment industries only with altruistic language wrapped around it.  I see it all over on LinkedIn too.  How many lists of top 30 under 30 do we really need?  Enough with the celebrity worship.  I prefer to hear about the 60 people over 60 who still care. 

What ever happened to pure service?  Have we as a field lost the magic of “helping?”  

I can’t tell you how many interviewees tell me that their goal is to start their own non-profit. When was the last time a candidate said that they just want to be helpful?  When was the last time someone said that their career goal was to help people one at a time? 

I feel like Martin Luther King, Jr. is calling to us from the grave: 

“Not everybody can be famous but everybody can be great because greatness is determined by service… You only need a heart full of grace and a soul generated by love.”

“Helping” matters.  “Helping” is greatness. We have enough non-profit empires.  Who needs another fiefdom?  What the world needs is passionate workers not more guests on NPR talking about how great their “start up” is. 

As I read back over this piece, it strikes me that I sound like that crotchety old boss that says, “You can’t find good workers nowadays.” 

Let me keep it real. I was there. I am still there some days. We all have a side of us that wants to make it big someday.  There is a part of all of us that likes the shiny new project or  idea. So let me write to my own heart and to yours, 

“If you really want to make a difference, if you really want your life to count, find someone who feels like you do, slide in beside them, and start helping along with them.  Just . . . start . . . helping . . . then keep on.  The connection and satisfaction you feel from simple acts of service done with like-minded people will bring you unbelievable meaning and joy. Thankfully, I found a lot of people like that over my career. I hope you do too, because these will be the people you remember. They will be the ones that help you know that your life was lived well.”

The downside to gratitude.

Gratitude has a sordid, under-belly.   

I vaguely remember hearing that enslaved Africans in the Confederate South were told to be grateful that they were saved from the miseries of life as savages. I went looking and it turns out the first quote I found was not from the Antebellum South after all but rather 21st Century New Jersey. It was Assemblymember Michael Patrick Carroll to be exact who said in 2008 that descendants of slaves should be grateful for slavery because it was the means by which they have become Americans.   

In 2016, Colin Kaepernick, the San Francisco 49er’s Quarterback took a knee during the national anthem to protest police brutality and racial injustice. Other NFL players followed suit and I heard the same sentiment. Those millionaire football players should be grateful they get to live in a country where they can make a fortune playing a game.  Where’s the gratitude for all that America has given them?  

The message is this. “Be thankful for the good in your life, and stop noticing the injustice.”  The Christian axiom, “Be thankful in all circumstances” seems to be a prime source for this sort of glib advice, so as a devout Christian myself, this has me pondering the relevance of Thanksgiving. Should we even be promoting gratitude?  Is it just a passive-aggressive way to silence people? Is the holiday our subtle way of trying to convince ourselves that the Indigenous people were actually thankful for us Pilgrims?

I noticed that my field of Social Work has recognized this misuse of gratitude. It seems we de-emphasize gratitude and instead help people find their anger and pain.  We value getting in touch with negative emotions in order to maintain the energy to fight for change or strive for healing. Gratitude, on the other hand, has a masking and softening effect.  It's hard to be angry and grateful at the same time.  If we are grateful, we are worried that we might lose the impetus for change.  Gratitude might lead to passivity instead of the change we need. 

But there is another body of evidence I can’t ignore.  

Recent research coming out of positive psychology is very strong.  Gratefulness seems to be quite good for human beings.  It is linked to physical, mental, emotional, psychological, and social health (Benefits of Gratitude: 28+ Surprising Research Findings).  How can something that was used as a tool for oppression have such strong resilience-building qualities?  

Can gratitude and robust social activism coexist? 

I believe it can. We just need to embrace the paradox. Things are bad; good still exists. I am vulnerable, and I am strong. A lot has been taken, and I have been given so much. 

We are hard-wired for binary thinking, so these paradoxes might make us bristle. We need to stop and tell ourselves that these paradoxical statements are not meant to balance each other.  For example, oppression occurs when we silence talk of trauma by talking about all the good things instead. We don’t balance anger with acceptance.  We don’t balance our sadness with our happiness.  We can and should embrace both extremes. The ancients knew this.  In my tradition, the Hebrew prophets and Psalmists sound emotionally unstable. One minute they say God should dismember their corrupt leaders and the next minute they say God is like a mother, and we are the infants at her breast.

Being grateful doesn’t mean that we ignore injustice.  I think it can actually give us the energy to fight injustice because it reminds us of our connection to others. It gives us permission to rest and acknowledge the contributions of others.  It sees the beauty amid the devastation. It is in embracing the conflicting truths that we find health, healing, and energy for the work. 

Brene Brown’s work around the power of vulnerability is instructive here.  She says, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.” 

We are doing ourselves and the work of social justice a disservice if we concede that gratitude is an act of weakness or passivity. We can have it all. We can fight injustice with all our heart, and celebrate progress at the same time. We can be angry and also rest in the content, glow of gratitude.  

So go ahead, sip on that hot cider, Coquito, or whatever makes you feel fine. Maybe this holiday, play some smooth jazz and look at the people you love, think about the good work you do, and say, “Yes, I am blessed.” 

Self Care on a Dime: Seven questions to ask yourself in order to work more sustainably.

It has happened quite a few times now. It goes something like this.

At a conference or networking event, I am making small talk and someone says, "So, how long have you been working at Cypress Hills?"

"17 years, this year," I say proudly.

"Whoa, that's quite a while" with a mixture of awe and pity.

It seems no one stays in the same organization that long nowadays.  It has not been without its low points.  A while back, I reached one of those points.  You know what I am talking about, one of those times when you need to take stock and reflect on some harder questions. I was doing okay, but looking back I see that I was showing classic signs of burn out and needed new self-care if I was going to continue.

Working for a small nonprofit in a low income community can be stressful.  When you are dependent on the latest government grants and are committed to grassroots strategies, the margins are razor thin. We do more with less, and sometimes there is not enough.  I will admit there are times when I look with a wandering eye at the casual millennial in their chic offices with endless latte's and wonder if I took a wrong turn somewhere in my life.

What to do?

There are certainly some practical things that any small nonprofit like mine can take to promote sustainability.  Recently we added a work-from-home policy that allows for some much needed flexibility to do some of the quieter and often-neglected technical tasks.  We have a generous vacation policy.  We have a "fun" committee that plans events to lift everyone's spirits.  These are baby steps we can take, but there are only so many latte machines you can buy.  There has to be something more to self-care than adding random perks -- as important as those might be.

The true self-care I received that pulled me out of my funk was something quite a bit deeper.  The good news is that what I did can be done on a budget, even a small one like mine. It started with answering some hard questions.

1. Mission.  Does the purpose of my organization feed me?  Does it really get me excited, and in my heart do I believe that it really matters?  Sounds lofty, but I really think it should, particularly if you are choosing to do work for more than the perks. If the mission doesn't inspire you, you might be at the wrong place, and no amount of perks are really going to meet that need. 
2. Growth. Do I know where my career is headed and do I have a supervisor who is thinking with me about my growth?  This is more than mobility.  I find that everyone wants to "move up" in their career but not as many folks want to truly grow. Mobility follows growth, and growth is free and readily available in almost any context. It might be as simple as fine tuning my craft - maybe writing a blog post about what I am learning.  Growth involves setting yourself on a trajectory toward ever increasing excellence.  This process takes effort, but it is a net gain to one's energy and outlook.
3. Imperfections.  Am I okay with things not always going well?  If you want perfection, go build a Lexus or something that doesn't talk back.  If you are investing in people, it's going to be messy, particularly if you are focused on such lofty concepts as love, justice and equity. Sometimes it's two steps forward and one step back, and everyone in this business needs to ask themselves if they are ok with that. 
4. Community.  Do I have colleagues who deeply respect me as a person?  Can we laugh together?  Can I tell them when I am overwhelmed?  Can I ask for a hug when I need it?   Do we have the courage to talk through our natural conflicts?   This has nothing to do with being an introvert or extrovert.  Its about the belief that I am not alone.  
5. Biological rhythms. What does my body need?  Paying attention to my aging body and its needs definitely matters. This can be done in a million ways, but you have to find something that works for you.  For me, it was integrated into my next question. 
6. Safe haven.  Can I walk away and release my undone work?  Have I made peace with the fact that life is limited and I will never "get it all done."  Do I schedule in those blocks of time to do what feeds me?  I wrote a five hour block of time into my life every week -- it seemed like a radical move -- but it was absolutely essential to finding answers to all these questions. I took time away from both family obligations and work obligations and focused entirely on my own health and wellness. Believe me, your life is worth 5 hours/week.  
7. Spiritual self-awareness.  Knowing where you fit in the universe changes a lot of things. You and I are not the center of all things.  It really helped me to clarify what I am, what I am not, and why I am here.  It's amazing what happens when you can answer those questions in a satisfying way. It becomes easier to say no and feel good about it. It's also more satisfying to say yes as well.

Clearly, self-care is not rocket science, but it is not easy either.  I hope you have the courage to ask yourself some of these hard questions and the patience to listen long enough for the answers.  You may be surprised how great you feel.

What if a paycheck is not enough?

I have been doing workforce development for some 22 years, but one question I have asked myself for much of that time is why work readiness training doesn't work for some of the brightest young people in my programs. If you are in the field, you probably know the scenario I am referencing.  A young person prepares for months to get a good job only to quit it a month later.  Another gets a paid internship but leaves money on the table by not doing all their hours.  The reasons are often vague. "The boss didn't respect me.  They wanted to make me work too late.  The other staff were talking about me."  Why would young people from a low income community throw away good money?

I feel like traditional work readiness is missing something -- especially when it comes to young adults.  Maybe there is something deeper that young people are not getting from us. 

In college I was taught about Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs.  The lowest level is basic survival needs followed by security, significance, and self-actualization or meaning.  Only when lower-level needs are met, do we have the will to seek the satisfaction of meeting higher level needs. Since I entered this work of fighting poverty, I figured my job would be simple.  Find people in poverty, give them skills to get their basic needs met, and they will love me for it, and move on with their lives.

But it didn't work.  Too many quit their jobs or left the program.

One of my college professors hinted at it, and I have been thinking.  Maybe there is a level below the lowest of Maslow's hierarchy.  Maybe Mother Theresa was on to something when she said, "Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat." Could it be that even in the grinding poverty of Calcutta, "meaning" still matters?  Is there some need that if not met, makes the survival needs irrelevant?  Why do people commit suicide from the many bridges here?  Why is Anorexia sometimes fatal?  Why do some sleep under a bridge instead of the homeless shelter?  Why does the alcoholic drink away his opportunities?   All of these can be described as simply diseases, and that is a component to be sure, but I find it to be too convenient of an explanation, a sterile explanation designed for us to reduce everything to a controllable science.  Something existential is going on as well.  I am convinced that there are some things more universally necessary even than the need for survival. Maybe its love, maybe its dignity, respect, a gentle touch, purpose, or meaning. Maybe it is all of these things.  At a minimum, people need a reason to live before survival is relevant. 

Back to my work readiness challenge.  Traditional work readiness assumes that the participant is at the point of needing the first of Maslow's hierarchy of needs met.  We think that a job is the best solution to our basic survival needs.  In fact, that is what job seekers come to us for, but could it be that a job only for survival sake isn't that different from slavery or work in a concentration camp?  Borrowing from Victor Frankl's observations in a Nazi concentration camp, I think work for the purpose of survival doesn't actually lead to survival.  Frankl observed that many gave up.  Others persisted.  The ones who persisted had a greater sense of meaning; they had a reason to survive.  

My young people similarly need meaning, a reason to believe that survival is relevant.  They are too smart to buy into the survival myth. As educated professionals, we have settled into the daily grind of  living from paycheck to paycheck, and we wonder why young people don't buy it?  It's not that they want more than survival. Survival is only relevant if the basic spiritual need for meaning is met.  For the semi-depressed young adult disrespect from a boss is a bigger deal than a paycheck, and why shouldn't it be?  Jay-Z described it this way, "The burden of poverty isn't just that you don't always have the things you need, it's the feeling of being embarrassed every day of your life, and you'd do anything to lift that burden." Helping a young person find a reason to hold their head up high, a belief that they matter, a reason for hope, a self-respect that is greater than any disrespect  -- this is what we do. This is what we need to be truly work ready. 

Its not easy. To quote Mother Theresa again, "The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread."  Issuing a stipend or doing rapid attachment job placement is relatively easy work in contrast to the deep task of meaning development. Its not easy to do this work, but when working with young people it might be the only way.

What do you think?